When Love Falls

 

(Photo by Isabella Mariana)

 

I was ensnared by a gorgeous man I saw one morning. He has a fair complexion with cute eyes that speaks strangely. I was under his spell then. My heart tangled in excitement. I probed just to see him.

 It was calming to feel the fresh air in the morning, caressing my skin. It gives tranquility to my intertwining mind, but that didn’t lessen the excitement I felt. The sensation of eagerness was getting intense, where I was unaware that it was leading me to his shadow- the shadow that electrified my existence. I was fully unaware of what I was doing; I was like dreaming that wouldn’t want to wake up.

A very potent spell was casted on me! I was like a puppet that continuously following whatever his master’s desires. I was unable to resist. The arrow that struck me was too strong that even my powers couldn’t break it.

I stood along the way to see him where he usually passed by. The thought of getting acquainted was not that difficult. That very day we were introduced to each other by his friend who was my accomplice. I was getting serious of everything that came to my mind, and without my knowing I was doing it- spending time and exerting effort just to please him. I knew the feeling was new to me. I asked myself, “Am I in love again? Or, this is just a mere physical fascination?”

It was love, indeed. The love that deepens the bond of two hearts that paces as one, that the one cannot live without the other. It is the water that satisfies the thirsty heart in the middle of the desert. It is the air we breathe, and the food that we are taking into. It is the wave in the dark stormy sea and the sun in the bright calm day, where birds chasing each other’s company seizing every moment.

            I was being controlled by my emotion, as in totally consumed. I became insolent to myself, but who am I then to resist the passion? I went to their house to see him, and it became my habit. The closeness to his family gave me a profound longing for me to expect much.

            I was desperately and jealously in love with him. I just couldn’t fight it. Maybe he knew the fact that I was really captivated, and that gave him the idea that I am weak and could be easily fooled. Whatever he asked, I instantly made a way to give it.

          It came to a point that he denied me for an unknown reason. Or maybe he just dumped me to find new prey. I could barely determine or grasp the idea of what was going on, and I even asked myself, “What have I done?” I never expected to end our relationship with nothing but heartaches, denial, hatred and despair.

I fell in love to the man whom I thought who would honestly give me a fair commitment. He denied my very heart that I almost forgotten to rise.

I stood cleverly and was thinking deeply even it’s still intertwining. And, in an hour of reflection, my sanity and my weaving sentiments disintegrated. I was awoken from my deep sleep. When I turned back to see the place where I have been, I saw a thorny, bloody and winding narrow pavement. I grasped my chest, and it was my blood. I grasped my chest again, and it was still bleeding. Tears fell. I wasn’t able to protest because everything was already done. I was harmed because of my unsettling inconsistency.

 

                        “I was just like a man on a street walking freely in a fair morning. I didn’t know there are broken glasses scattered along the way. I was so busy looking at the ensnaring view. And I did step on it obliviously. I utterly shouted in pain but I was in the middle of the unfamiliar place where no one is around.

 

 Imagine the wounds caused by it that stabbed deeply on my foot, where warm blood laughing on for its grand exit. Imagine the pain that shivers my whole body. Can you possibly imagine where I should run to? I was hopeless. I was all alone, and no one was there to dry the tears. I haven’t got any reasons left to try because no one was around to stand by my side.”

 

I cried helplessly in my cold dark room. It was raining. The wounds were still fresh, despair and loneliness sincerely stabbing me, reminding me of the man who broke me barbarically. The rain poured violently, mourning as I mourned. The wind powerfully hit the trees outside as I weakly recognized the pain inside me. The truth really hurts. I was so afraid of the thought that I was losing him. The rain kept falling as my tears ran down.

Despair shattered my very soul, made my body stiff, as if I’ve been in a long unsuccessful journey. It made my heart shrink because of so many expectations. Pain seems to be inevitable; it made my veins constrict and made my eyes sob.

My sacrifices were futile. I failed to make the relationship prosper that I wouldn’t want to lose. Frustration energized the hurts. I even gulped my pride to gratify the commitment but everything I had planned smashed all at once.